Amazon to replace one click shopping with no click shopping

For years, Amazon has utlized its revolutionary one-click shopping system, allowing shoppers to be one click away from having an item delivered to their door. But is one click too many clicks? Yes, according to Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. “Our research has shown that people don’t want to do any clicking. They’re sick of clicking. So we developed technology where you don’t have to click anything. It’s no click shopping.”

The first people to use no click shopping are saying that it’s better than the previous one click system. “I love it,” said Jennifer Hartglove, a 27 year old dental assistant who lives in Las Vegas and wears pink bras. “Yeterday, 153 products were delivered to my door. I didn’t have to do any clicking at all. Plus, I didn’t even have to open any of the boxes. Amazon sent over a Puerto Rican guy to do all of my box opening for me.”

We asked Amazon about its “send over a Puerto Rican guy to open your boxes” policy, and they said, “We send over a guy. He’s not necessarily Puerto Rican.”

When Costco CEO Bud Heineken was told about Amazon’s new strategy, he unveiled his company’s counter-initiative. “Costco is gonna do you one better. Amazon ships stuff to you. But what we’re gonna do is ship you to Costco. If you’re a Costco member, we’ll just send a bus to your house, we’ll take you to Costco, and we’ll lock you in there for 48 hours.”

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