Bill Gates leaves $50 tip on $7.82 bill

Bill Gates is a lot of things. A brilliant computer programmer. A shrewd businessman. A snazzy dresser. A great minesweeper player. But according to waiter Ron Russelman, he’s also a lousy tipper. Gates dined at Laury’s Chicken and Steak on Wednesday, and ordered a cheeseburger and orange soda. His total came out to $7.82. And the tip he left did not impress Russleman. “He came in here, I served him lunch, and then he tipped me 0.0000000000000000001% of his net worth.”

Gates, who has a net worth of $82 billion, left a $50 tip on the meal–an amount of money that is basically nothing to a billionaire. “It wasn’t even American money,” said one observer. “He left $50 Canadian. He’s worth $83 billion American, and he left a tip of $50 Canadian.”

Gates’s waiter Russelman has been very active on Facebook lately, making disparaging remarks about Gates. He left a post yesterday that states, “The other day, my second cousin Joe came into Laury’s, I waited on him, he ordered a burger, and he tipped me $5. Now, I know for a fact that Joe has a net worth of $500. That means he tipped me 1% of his net worth. Did Bill Gates tip me 1% of his net worth? Did Bill Gates tip me $820 million? No. He didn’t even tip me $1 million. He tipped 50 bucks.” That Facebook post currently has over 127,000 like votes.

Gates’s representatives had this to say in response to the internet uproar. “According to Mr. Gates, when that waiter Mr. Russelman took the cheeseburger order, he acted like a complete douchebag. He actually interrupted the order so he could take a call on his iPhone. Also, he got the order wrong. Mr. Gates asked for fries on the side, and the waiter brought onion rings. And when Mr. Gates mentioned that, the waiter was all like, ‘Whatever, gaylord. Just eat the onion rings.’ So Mr. Gates tipped him a 50. He usually tips $300,000 on a $7.82 meal.”

Russelman contends that he did not call Gates a gaylord, but he might’ve said “some stuff about the dude’s sweater, because, like, I mean, who the hell wears a sweater like that when it’s 82 degrees outside?”

Microsoft stock was up 2 points in today’s trading, as most investors agree with Gates that Russelman is in fact a douchebag.

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