Timberwolves will now play all games 5 on 4


NBA commissioner Adam Silver just instituted a new rule stating that whenever the Minnesota Timberwolves play a game, their opponents will only get to have four players on the court. The T-Wolves will play the remainder of the 2016-17 NBA season with a one  player advantage at all times, as part of the league’s effort to bring a  winning season to Minnesota for the first time since 2004.

“Just imagine how competitive the Wolves will be if they play 5 on 4 basketball,” said Commissioner Silver in a press conference yesterday. “You’ll watch a game, and you’ll think, ‘You know what? Maybe Minnesota will win this game. They might even make it to the playoffs and then lose the first series four games to one.'”

Timberwolves owner Glen Taylor requested the rule change four months ago, and took Commissioner Silver to dinner at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse in order to do a little persuading. “People really like Ruth’s Chris,” his said in an exclusive interview with Hundred Percent News. “So, I took the commissioner there, and fed him steak.” He also remarked, “Listen. One way to win is by making your team better. Another way to win is by making the other teams worse. I’ve already tried the first thing. I’ve tried to win with dark-skinned black guys like Kevin Garnett and Andrew Wiggins. I’ve tried to win with white guys like Tom Gugliotta and Wally Szczerbiak. But, yeah. Now I’m just gonna focus on making other teams worse.”

Commissioner Silver stated that if Minnesota does not win over 41 games this season, the league will add another rule that requires Timberwolves opponents to play in dresses and high heels.


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