Trump publishes list of celebrities who should lose weight

In yet another controversial move, President-elect Donald Trump had a press conference yesterday in which he discussed how certain celebrities should exercise and go on a diet. “We can’t have overweight celebrities,” remarked Trump. “Not during my administration. I mean, during the Obama administration, yes, people were free to be flabby lard asses. But I am not Obama. I am Trump. So I want these celebrities to apply themselves, and drop some weight.”

Mr. Trump published the list on his Facebook page, along with various dieting tips, and a calorie count of of every Cinnabon menu item. “These celebrities, you don’t see them in a Cinnabon line,” said the President-to-be. “But they have assistants–and they send those assistants out, and tell them to go fetch a Cinnabon. They say, ‘You’re my assistant. Go to Cinnabon, and get me a pastry.’ That’s what they say. And I say to those celebrities, If you’re gonna eat a Cinnabon, at least have the integrity to stand in the line yourself.”

cinnabon_in_2005

Trump’s Facebook list of “Overweight Celebrities” includes many of his most vocal critics, including Robert DeNiro, Cher, Pope Francis, and JK Rowling, the last of whom he referred to as a “fat British whore who writes dumb books.”He also included his wife Melania on the list, and said, “She’s great and all–but she really does need to lose five or six pounds.”

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