It’s official. Puerto Rico is now an official member of these United States of America. The region was granted its statehood after an eight hour long meeting between President Obama and Jennifer Lopez, and Joe Biden also dropped by the meeting for a few minutes and did absolutely nothing of importance.
Puerto Rico is our newest state. We won’t have to add a star to our flags, however–since North Dakota and South Dakota are now just one state simply known as “Dakota,” and the new capital is Cayuga, population 26.
“Que viva Puerto Rico,” announced Obama yesterday, in a fairly accurate Puerto Rican accent. “I’m proud to say that Puerto Rico is now a full-fledged member of the US, as our 50th state–and as an added bonus, we longer have two Dakotas, since I mean, what’s the point of having two Dakotas, or even one Dakota for that matter? As a matter of fact, I might get rid of Dakota altogether, and split Puerto Rico into North Puerto Rico and South Puerto Rico.”
When Ricky Martin was asked about the new state, he had this to say: “Whatever.”
As for Dakotans, most of them are now busy trying to figure out what state they live in. “Um–wait a second, “said Bismarck resident Cal Anderson. “I mean, if North Dakota and South Dakota are now just one state called Dakota, then what state do I live in now? Nebraska?”