Melania Trump spends $1.2 million per nail per month


Insiders are reporting that future First Lady Melania Trump spends in excess of $20 million a year just on manicures and pedicures! “Her nail polish alone runs for $183,000 a bottle,” says a very credible source. “And sometimes she gets bored, she just pours the nail polish down the drain for fun, and she buys more nail polish.”

According to Harvard economist James K. Weyburn, Melania’s nails are the 973rd largest industry in America–and revenues from that industry are expected to grow at 31% annually. “No industry has seen growth like that recently–including semiconductors and frozen yogurt. Melania could end up spending $4.2 billion on her nails in the year 2027. Frozen yogurt, on the other hand, is gonna become less popular, once people realize that it doesn’t taste as good as ice cream.”

Mrs. Trump is said to have not one, not two, not ten, but 84 full time Vietnamese nail ladies, all of whom are illegal immigrants. Some of them also have very foreign immigranty names, like Thuy Phuong Pham Nguyen. “Mrs. Trump insists on using illegal immigrants,” says another very credible source. “She also has a pet chihuahua that she feeds kobe beef, seven times a day. Even when the chihuahua isn’t hungry, she forces him to eat kobe beef. She loves to waste money. She’s all about money. She’s a fucking golddigger. Totally.”


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