Football player John Smith changes name to “D’Plaxidackeridge Joefowripple”

Chicago Bears running back Joe Smith respects football. He respects the game so much, that he changed his name to something more in line with the game he plays. “John Smith isn’t really a football player’s name,” he told an interviewer yesterday. “I mean, come on. John Smith? That’s a mailman’s name. Do I deliver mail? Do I analyze zip codes? Hell no! I don’t work for the postal service. I bring the ruckus. You know what I mean? Ain’t no John Smith in the equation.”

Inspired by such NFL players as Ha Ha Clinton-Dix, Chi Chi Ariguzo, D’Brickashaw Ferguson, Jaquiski Tartt, Charcandrick West, Bacarri Fudge Rambo, and Mcleod John Baltazar Bethel-Thompson, Joe Smith legally changed his name from Joe Smith to D’Plaxidackeridge Joefowripple, middle name Qwepsi. Since the name change three weeks ago, his yards per carry average has gone up from 4.2 to 83.7, and he also got engaged to a woman named Shluwanduh Convenience-Store. “I love Shluwanduh,”  says  Joefowripple. “I might even add her last name to my middle name. You know what I mean? So after we get married, I’ll be D’Plaxidackeridge Qwepsi-Convenience-Store Joefowripple.”

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